There's always an end to something- and this is it. I've had this blog open for just about four years now; it all started with a way to relieve anxiety and sort out my emotions, but now it's just a reminder of a lost heart, a broken story, and two people who can't even look at each other. I'm starting a new leaf and that means ending my past. One day I'll return to this. One day I'll look back and say "wow I can't believe this is how I felt", but for the first time (I think ever) I will look back at this and say "I can not believe I was so in love with someone who didn't (maybe never) loved me back". So...here's to love, luck, and the future. If a broken heart led you to this page, please (and I mean it PLEASE) know it gets better. I'm proof. It might not ever heel, but that pain becomes tolerable and once it becomes tolerable you're able to move on. You'll find love don't search for it. Put yourself first and if you think that even for a second you aren't number one, stop, take a breathe, and remember when everyone is gone you only have yourself. I'll miss this. With nothing BUT the best, xoxo

Well today sucked...was going to go into the city, but Kaitlin has been lying and hiding her relationship with Niko. She wanted me to meet him today, but I can't invest my time or energy into her and that relationship when they break up every week. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I wish Anthony would acknowledge my existence. Wait, does that seem obsessive of me? I mean, "I am obsessed with him." Jokes. Guess I'll do my homework by myself...I have to study anyways. 

But I'm the obsessed one? Oooohkay. That obsession is a two way street, those feelings are completely mutual.

I'm just so annoyed. Clearly my feelings don't mean anything and there is no respect present for me...gym times?  Cool.

Went on a lovely date tonight with a great person and I couldn't enjoy myself...he wasn't you.

First date in years...wow

I just woke up crying. It sucks to feel this way with nowhere to turn. I feel I've exhausted everyone around me with these problems. I'm honestly so torn. I can't believe in one month I'll lose A for good. It sucks that he's leaving and we can't even say hi to each other. It sucks even more that I feel the way I do and those feelings can't be returned. It's breaking and draining. I finally realized how annoying it is to constantly accuse someone and jump to conclusions and even act on insecurities. 

I'm just so sad. I can't stop crying. I'm so happy I'm off tomorrow, so happy.

I know I'm supposed to do five minutes a day...today was bad & I can't write how I feel.

I never want to see you unhappy

I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover

Goodbye, my hopeless dream

I'm trying not to think about you

Can't you just let me be?

I can not wake up in the morning without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted

And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that easy

To walk right in and out of my life?

I should've known you'd bring me heartache

Almost lovers always do

First night in weeks I didn't dream of you, has to be a sign right? 

It'll be really weird seeing wakey!wakey! this time around. I'm extremely excited and can not wait for this concert, but I'm saddened by it also. My last concert was with Anthony and I'm so grateful he came; it was truly a beautiful moment in our relationship (at least to me). I would love for him to come with me and this be our last "ha-ra"...here's to hoping.

We’ll fall

But we’ll try

We’ll do our best

And I’ll love you all the while

Why am I so emotional?
And deep down I know this never works
But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

Won't you stay with me?
'Cause you're all I need
This ain't love it's clear to see
But darling, stay with me

I wish David would get the point, it's been two months of ignoring him and he still messages me. Karen doesn't get the whole David situation. I made a promise, to myself, I wouldn't speak to David because of Anthony- I'm keeping that promise even though Anthony hates me.

Weird...David just messaged me

If I have one more dream with you in it😡

Today was terrible

The flowers you have me are rotting and yet I refuse to throw them away