It's been easy. I haven't been sad. I still don't think it's hit me. If I talk about it I get sad though. 

Today is hard. I keep having flashbacks to when I said goodbye, like Anthony wiping my tears. It's making me so sad.

I'm sad, but I still haven't realized that he's gone. 

Yesterday was easy. 

Today has been okay. 

I don't really know how I feel or how to feel.

I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is relief or if it just hasn't hit me yet.

I feel pretty shitty that I'm not "upset". I was expecting to be a mess. 

Yesterday, I said goodbye to Anthony. It wasn't a great goodbye. I wanted a goodbye that would mean the world to both of us, a goodbye that we could be proud of, instead we fought. 

He accused me of trying to blackmail him. You're probably wondering how, well I asked him if he pulled out during sex and he doesn't. He told me I was trying to get pregnant to trap him.

How terrible of a feeling. The person I love thinks I would do something so cruel as to trick him into staying with me. 

I already know he doesn't want me so how pathetic would I be?

I feel okay now. I was really sad yesterday. It was so hard saying bye, but after how the day turned out I ended up feeling okay. 

I feel almost relieved. I can start my life now.