Yesterday, I said goodbye to Anthony. It wasn't a great goodbye. I wanted a goodbye that would mean the world to both of us, a goodbye that we could be proud of, instead we fought. 

He accused me of trying to blackmail him. You're probably wondering how, well I asked him if he pulled out during sex and he doesn't. He told me I was trying to get pregnant to trap him.

How terrible of a feeling. The person I love thinks I would do something so cruel as to trick him into staying with me. 

I already know he doesn't want me so how pathetic would I be?

I feel okay now. I was really sad yesterday. It was so hard saying bye, but after how the day turned out I ended up feeling okay. 

I feel almost relieved. I can start my life now. 

There's always an end to something- and this is it. I've had this blog open for just about four years now; it all started with a way to relieve anxiety and sort out my emotions, but now it's just a reminder of a lost heart, a broken story, and two people who can't even look at each other. I'm starting a new leaf and that means ending my past. One day I'll return to this. One day I'll look back and say "wow I can't believe this is how I felt", but for the first time (I think ever) I will look back at this and say "I can not believe I was so in love with someone who didn't (maybe never) loved me back". So...here's to love, luck, and the future. If a broken heart led you to this page, please (and I mean it PLEASE) know it gets better. I'm proof. It might not ever heel, but that pain becomes tolerable and once it becomes tolerable you're able to move on. You'll find love don't search for it. Put yourself first and if you think that even for a second you aren't number one, stop, take a breathe, and remember when everyone is gone you only have yourself. I'll miss this. With nothing BUT the best, xoxo

Well today sucked...was going to go into the city, but Kaitlin has been lying and hiding her relationship with Niko. She wanted me to meet him today, but I can't invest my time or energy into her and that relationship when they break up every week. Or maybe I'm just jealous because I wish Anthony would acknowledge my existence. Wait, does that seem obsessive of me? I mean, "I am obsessed with him." Jokes. Guess I'll do my homework by myself...I have to study anyways. 

But I'm the obsessed one? Oooohkay. That obsession is a two way street, those feelings are completely mutual.

I'm just so annoyed. Clearly my feelings don't mean anything and there is no respect present for me...gym times?  Cool.

Went on a lovely date tonight with a great person and I couldn't enjoy myself...he wasn't you.

First date in years...wow