I thought everything has been in my favor as of late, I was wrong. I was starting to feel happy again thinking that everything was falling back into place, but yesterday changed that all. I felt anxiety and suscpions again, I felt paranoia. I never wanted to feel this way again and now that I do, I'm angry. I never truly understood how it takes one person to turn your world until last week- at least I can say it was a nice week. 

Today I realized something. The idea of the life I'm supposed to have is just that, an idea. The life I saw for myself is full of unrealistic goals. The boy and the fairy tale life just aren't for me. The idea of love isn't for me. I'm not okay with that, but I do need to realize that that is the reality I face. It's the truth, it's my truth. 

I was fortunate enough to have love, unfortunate enough to lose it, unfortunate enough to not be able to keep it...but I will be fortunate enough to live a life when God is who I wake up to every day.