That's when reality hit...

When every chance for 'I miss you passed', 'I love you' became non-existent.

We just laid there.
We forgot the world or at least we tried.
And our mouths failed to say what our hearts were trying to scream.

How dare you say it's nothing to me? Baby, you're the only light I ever saw.

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms.
Nobody's gonna come and save you,
We pulled too many false alarms.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,
We're slow dancing in a burning room.

Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

The pain just continues...

I can't seem to stop this feeling. Every time I feel I've everything going my way something knocks me back a few steps. My heart is just so sad and broken. It was once filled with love and faith but that is slowly fading away. I want my boyfriend back. I want an "I love you" or even "I miss you", that's just hoping.
It won't come. I keep thinking back to answering my phone to "I'm outside" I'm hoping for that call to come again. I'm hoping for happiness in my relationship again. I want to say I have faith it will but faith hasn't shown me much lately.

I'm in love and always will be.

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on.

Arrows from your mind are making my heart bleed...

I’ll do my best to lighten your load – make you feel better than you’ve ever known
Sing you a love song nobody knows
You think you’ve tried love? I’ll give you more…

I had it all wrong, I thought that I was strong enough
I thought that I knew just what I’d do with love
Then you shattered it all, you made me fall in love again
Since you’ve been around, I can’t come down
I can’t come down… from Loving you

I love you...but I didn't say it back.

No matter anyone's opinion on this, I know I'm wrong. Who does shit like that? I love you, babe, I miss you...and my response is yeah? Oh sure. I'm wrong. I should've sat there baby I love you more than anything. I shouldn't put my pride and personal anguish aside. Now I'm the one sitting here crying. Imagine him. How he felt. He tells me I love you just for me to shoot him down. Bravo! My feelings are hurt by what I did. I can't imagine his. I know the right thing to do is apologize. So I had to. So I did. Now we wait. Maybe I'll get a response. Maybe I won't. The won't has a greater chance.

Happy 2 year anniversary.

You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone

This would've been for you...

Two years later. And you still manage to put the same smile on my face. Happy Anniversary. I love you- maybe more than you think or feel I do. In these past two years we have been through more than some people do in a lifetime. We've made it through that for a reason. So we can become better/stronger people. We got through this so as a couple we are stronger and can make it through whatever life throws at us. And I truly believe we can make it and always will. I'm grateful for our relationship and for having a friend like you. (You truly are my best friend) No one has made me more happy than you. I can only hope you feel the same towards me. I only want to make you feel happy and loved. I want you to know you always have me no matter what. This year has torn us apart and brought us back together. I lost myself and found myself. And through everything I was brought back to you. I love you. I never want those words to mean I'm sorry. I never want you to feel like your not important. Or that you don't matter. You are so important to me. This relationship will always matter to me. No matter what. I hope that next year I'll be telling you happy anniversary for a third time. I hope that we can celebrate this together, doing whatever. Laying in your arms, staring at a wall, or with friends. As long as I'm with you, it counts. A------, bub. I love you, most. Forever.

Day from hell.

It's impossible to fight back the tears. I let myself down, I let you down, I let everyone who was rooting for us down. To know I made the person I truly love, down hurts...more than anything.

2 years ago...

I expressed my happiness in a new relationship. Today I express my sadness as we are not together.
It hurts. I love him more than anything. But I guess those feelings aren't returned.

"I do care I just didn't want you sad."

What do you do when the person your in love with tells you they don't want you anymore.