We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in...

I look like I've been crying for days, perfect. I at least want to give the illusion that I've been okay- God knows I think he's been fine. Last night I was asked if I do things, say things, even think things for reassurance or because I actually feel it...I still don't know the answer to that. I mean it has been over a year since I've heard those words I love you, of course I want that reassurance. Of course I want to hear it one more time. I just want to know if what he had or what he have (if there is something still there) is real. I'm starting to think that the part of me that always has this undying(?) amount of hope is a flaw, is flawed, is a lie...what if my hope has been the illusion this entire time? I keep saying it is meant to be, because I love him. SO much. Because I care, SO much. I don't want to lose him- even if its as just a friend...I don't want to lose him. I wont give up on him, I can't. I can't- not because I don't want to, because at what point will I say this is too much and I need to give up, but because I can't. Mentally I can't. Physically I can't. Emotionally...you get it?! I won't give up on us, I'm giving you all my love You've always been worth it.