Oh the message. I ended up going to sleep. He messaged me in the morning to say he was sorry and shouldn't have messaged me because I moved on.
Me? Moved on? WHAT?! I try and move on and everytime I try he comes back. How can I ever move on from him, let's think about it.
For the next few weeks we kept trying to see eachother, but it just didn't work out. I was busy or he was. I can not express how fortunate I am that I didn't. He was leaving to Colorado and I really wanted to say goodbye, but I had a feeling "oh it's not Colorado", which my feeling was right, once again.
This might get confusing.
Anthony leaves to Colorado. Tells me he'll try to write me, but he'll talk to me later in the week- red flag.
I wasn't seeing David, or speaking to him, I really wasn't, but he asked to see me I wasn't doing anything so I drove over there. When I was on my way home I stopped at quick check, that was the last time I remember seeing my phone. I got home and started to flip out. MY PHONE IS MISSING.
This part is weird. Again, I swear on my grandpa this was a sign from god, I go to log on to "find my iphone" on my iPad and Anthony's phone pops up. It shows me that he's in California- with Courtney.
I messaged her, this situation that I handled with grace just went up in flames. I told her she was pathetic and Anthony will always come back to me (he cheated on her all last year with me after all).
For a week. I cried. I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything. My heart was broken, shattered, destroyed. I felt so betrayed. I felt that everything just stopped, I literally wanted to die and I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it a few times. My friend had to carry me into my room, my mom had to drag me out of bed. I just couldn't help myself. Actually telling this story is a bit overwhelming.
When I actually was able to get out of bed I decided he wasn't good for me, my physical or mental health. But, just as our story goes, I stop thinking about him or I'm ready to move on and he comes back.
He messaged me and we spoke in person. He won me back- again.
And we were good. We went to a Wakey!Wakey! concert. And we hung out. We spent quality time. And I had him back. I was so happy. I felt love again happy again.
I went to disney for my birthday and in one of my crazy feeling moments, I knew he spoke to Courtney. So "I" broke into his phone. I read messages with Courtney and she still loves him and he said it back.
The knife in my heart was put back, it was turned. I just keep getting hurt by him and it's the worst feeling.
Seeing that he wrote the words I love you, back to her, HURT so bad.
The last time I got an I love you from him was over a year ago, yet this girl that he just broke up to work on things with me got it.
He was supposed to make things up to me, I forgave him because I love him. I forgave him because I just want things with us to work. He won me back with his sweet words.
This is up until this past Thursday. Where we hung out and in front of me he accepted an invitation to dinner with another girl and his friend and another girl (double date?).
I love anthony. I always will. He is my first in so many ways. He is my best friend, no matter what we go through. I've said it before and I'll say it again, every up imaginable and every low imaginable-we've been through it. It's hard to just give that up, just give him up.
I forgive him, but I can't forget. I forgive him, but I can't let go of SOME of the past. I sound stupid, I know. But it's my life, it's my heart, it's mine. I just want to be the girl he loves, the girl he can turn to, and count on. I want to be the girl when his dreams come true.
As of now we aren't speaking. Just an update.
