I think what I'm having trouble understanding is it all. I thought I was going to be able to say something specific, but I honestly can't understand any of it. I'm feeling very Sylvia Plath these days. Part of me wants to ask for those messages again, but honestly I don't think he has them and if he has them he probably won't be sending them (this would be my THIRD attempt). That conversation should've never taken place with THAT MUCH alcohol in my system, ever. The answers I needed I did not receive and if I did I can not remember them. The questions I needed to ask were probably worded in the most insane way- that's if they were even asked at all. I remember a lot of yelling, crying, insults. I obviously don't want him to die or fail in the navy. I obviously didn't it when I said I hated him (god, I wish I did). I didn't mean it when I said I didn't want him talking to Chelsea; if he put that restriction on me with his aunt and mother I would lose it (I love those two). I can sort of remember certain parts of the conversation- like him saying he hasn't cared about me in two years or like he would have spent the rest of his life with Courtney...I will never be able to understand how someone can even think of spending their life with someone they cheated on their ENTIRE relationship (just another thing I will never understand). I have chocolate cupcake everywhere- just since I've been consuming over two thousand calories a day. My over sensitivity I've been experiencing this week has been insane, I guess that is where my overthinking with Anthony has came from. I've definitely been having body issues lately and I've been taking that out on a lot of people. I lash out. It's such a terrible quality.